Once, I quit drinking and cut back on drugs for like five years. Good christ, was that the most boring time of life, populated by an endless stream of uninteresting, annoying chuckleheads. You people are so much more interesting when I am in a different state of consciousness. My sobriety only seemed to bring out the worst in you. I drink so you can please me better. It is vodka-tonics that anesthetize me, sedate me, dumb me down enough that most you people are actually tolerable and occasionally amusing. I wish vodka had a vagina, so I could please her as much as she pleases me.